Life as a survivor has had its challenges. After my first diagnosis, I lived in fear of recurrence. In some ways I felt like I had to go out and do a lot of things in case there was a recurrence and I wouldn't have a chance. Although saying it, it sounds like I went traveling, and sky diving, and other fabulous things. Not so much. I took on challenging projects and got involved in events that have some social benefit (Race for the Cure, Relay for Life, etc.). I tried to give to the greater good thinking in some tangled way that karma would protect me from a recurrence.

If you have been reading along in the last year, you now that is not exactly how the story went. Somehow, through powers greater than myself, I was empowered during the second trip down the cancer journey. I powered (literally) through treatment and have been working on creating the life I want without cancer. I know that cancer will always be a part of my life, but I realized that it doesn't have to be a part of my present or future. Cancer is part of past. This time around I am respectfully putting cancer in its rightful place and moving forward fearlessly.

I determined I have two choices: I can live in fear of recurrence or I can live having faith in my healing. If I can believe 100% in my healing, the fear has no place in my life. I can be afraid that the cancer will come back, or I can live and embrace the life I do have. I thought this would be easier said than done, but really the opposite is so much harder.

Living in fear is hard. It is burdensome. It robs the joy from even the simplest of pleasures. It permeates every fiber of your being and follows you like a shadow. Shedding fear takes a leap of faith: faith in your God (however you describe or call God), faith in yourself, faith in the Universe. Honestly, though, what is there to lose? I can continue to walk carrying a heavy burden or I can simply put it down and move forward without restriction.

Once you leap into fearlessness a whole new world opens before you. It's brighter -- literally there is more light and more color. You can recognize all the love and positive energy around you. You start to attract people who feel the same energy you feel. The difference is amazing.

I welcome the close of a very difficult year and the beginning of a fearless future. Who is with me?

Labels: moving on after cancer