I awoke this morning to peaceful and beautiful sunrise creeping through the window. I couldn't help but open the blinds and drink in the beauty of the morning. It is still my favorite time of day. To me it is the magic moment where the world opens its arms to shower us with the glory of life.

Treatment day was tedious on Thursday. My doctor's appointment went well. She did note that I had a very bizarre combination of symptoms this last time around, but seem to be doing quite well. My lab work was delayed from the lab and I had to wait three hours for the results before we could start chemo. And of course this treatment takes 3.5 hours to administer so it was a very long day. And those that know me know just how well I sit still for long periods of time doing nothing. I came close to pulling my hair out, but then I realized I had no hair!

They had asked me if I wanted to reschedule, but I couldn't. After the last treatment I really had to psyche myself up for this treatment. When I started this process, I promised myself I would do everything right: get plenty of rest, eat healthy, take my vitamins, keep every doctor's appointment, keep away from crowds/germs, and do everything they told me to do so I could stay on track with my treatment. It never occurred to me that I could be delayed by someone else's error. What was I thinking? Before I got too discouraged the results came in and we could proceed (my blood counts were the same as the last time).

Joyce was nice enough to come back at noon and bring me a big iced passion tea and sit with me for a bit. Since I was feeling the drowsiness from the Benedryl, I decided to go with it and steal a nap. I used my DVD player to play some meditational CD's that a friend sent me and it really helped me to relax. And of the course the time I was sleeping was not time spent tapping my fingers getting antsy. It also put me in a very peaceful mood. I awoke just as the hot flash started to hit and with about 1.5 hours to go and managed to make it through relatively unscathed. The treatment didn't seem as bad as last time. In fact, I'm still doing okay with just minor aches and fatigue so far, but it is early in the weekend.

I just can't stop thinking about the woman I was talking to when I first went in to wait in the chemo room. She is on the same treatment I am taking, except she is one treatment behind me. She is 64 years old and speaks of her three grown children and grandchildren with great pride. She had never been sick with a major illness ever in her life and was hoping to make it to her January birthday with the same record. She told me she took the news real hard because she has no family history and has done everything right: healthy diet, clean lifestyle, regular check ups, yearly mammograms, etc. She said when they went in for the lumpectomy, they found a second tumor right next to the one detected on the mammogram and she had a couple of positive lymphnodes which put her at Stage II. As she spoke she kept saying that she just wanted to grow to see her children grown and see her grandchildren. Since she feels she has accomplished this goal, she can finish her life peacefully.

I wanted to scream at her. She has no idea what a good prognosis she has. Her survival rate is still at the least around the 80% rage (if my calculations are correct). I wanted to yell at her for giving up and giving in. I have been fighting my cancer since I found the lump and I wanted her to do the same thing. She is a beautiful and healthy woman who may live to see her grandchildren grow to adulthood if she doesn't give up. I shared with her my research and told her not to give up, but there was something I saw in her eyes. It was as though she didn't believe me or was scared to believe me. I left there carrying her in my heart and in my prayers. I ask you all to do the same.