If you felt a chill wind blow past you, felt the earth shift just a bit, or heard loud wailing sobs echoing in the distance, that was me. Or, should I say, that was the sound of disappointment.

As each day passed this week, I kept telling myself I was one day closer to moving on. Even though my sinuses had an endless supply of drainage and that tickle in my throat continued to to grow, I kept telling myself I was strong-willed and that I would be healthy in time for surgery.

*Cough* *Cough*

I am neither healthy nor strong enough. The wait continues.

*Cough* *Sniffle*

At first I thought June. Possible July. Maybe August? Ah yes, September. The month that always feels like a new year is beginning. The perfect time.

*Cough*

I'll be lucky if October is the month.

Isn't it funny how I went through four months and eight rounds of chemo willing myself to stay healthy enough so I could have surgery last December and all the stars aligned and the plan succeeded. I let my guard down once and had lunch with a coughing friend, talked to co-workers who weren't feeling well, forgot my vitamin C three days in a row, and this is what happens.

And yes, I do feel guilty for having a pity party over reconstruction delays. There are people who have nothing after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. There are people who are struggling to see another day due to the ravages of cancer. There are people who don't have insurance and can't even get treatment, let alone reconstruction. And I'm feeling sorry for myself?

Well, yes, I am that pathetically self-centered. These tissue expanders annoy me and keep me from sleeping in my normally comfortable positions. More than that, the sculpting that is needed is making me insane. Breasts should not have corners. I just wanted to be done.

Okay, I think I'm done whining. Wait . . . oops . . . I think I feel . . . oh . . . nope. . . no I'm not. I''ll just leave now and save you from my sad self.

*Cough*

*Sniffle*

*Cough* *Cough*

Hope your day is better.

*Sniffle*