"Upon an ever expansive horizon,
life reveals her mystery;
to live is a gift, to feel is a blessing,
and to take part in her beauty
is a miracle renewed each day."
~Francisco

It was Thoreau who said, "Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." I have to keep reminding myself not to rush and not to push too hard. I don't know why I can't stop. Just stop. Stop to breathe the air and drink the drink. Stop long enough to savor the moment. Instead I run and run and run myself in circles. At times I wonder if I am running from cancer or even from myself.

Some days I awake feeling invigorated and unstoppable. Other days it is difficult to find joy and purpose. I'm in this weird limbo where I don't feel like I connect with the people around me and cancer is somehow that divisive element. In my haste to "live" each day to the fullest, I somehow find myself avoiding it with a chaotic schedule when possible.

I just want to find that place of peace where I embrace the day and feel the joy in the simple beauty of the miracle of life. I don't expect orchestral background music and fade-to-black each evening. I just want simplicity. Peacefulness. Joy. Perhaps I'm seeking a new reality.