Sunday, November 21, 2004
Between the brief rain, the wind, and the chilly air, we are definitely experiencing the fall season in California. At least for now. If I didn't know better, I would certainly think it was spring because I definitely see some new growth . . . on my head! Well, maybe. What I see are thousands of little tiny pin sized bumps where a hair follicle is doing its best to break through. Perhaps we will call this pre-stubble. I guess my days of not having to shave my legs are numbered. Before I know it I will be back to the whole morning routine that causes me to rise 30 minutes earlier. Of course, I'd give up the sleep in a heartbeat. As much as I've grown accustomed to the hats, I have missed my hair.

I have missed the way it felt to have my hair brush softly against my neck. I have missed the way it was lightly scented from the shampoo. I have missed brushing it out of my eyes. I have missed twisting it up and securing it with a clip. I have missed being able to change the entire look of an outfit by changing my hair style. I have missed how my hair made me feel feminine.

It is interesting to think about this. There is nothing feminine about battling cancer. This is no time to fight like a girl. Yet breast cancer attacks all that is feminine in a woman. Whether it is the cosmetic changes such as losing the hair or eyebrows and eyelashes, the brittle nails broken at the quick, the changes in skin pigmentation, and dry skin or perhaps the physical changes such as the potential for early menopause or infertility, discussing whether or not to have a hysterectomy, and of course, having the mastectomies. It is an ugly battle and there is no room for anything but putting up your dukes like a prize fighter.

Perhaps it is similar to losing a sense. It is said that when a person loses a sense, the others become stronger. So if the physical feminine traits are challenged, do the others become stronger. Has the nurturing side of me emerged at a stronger level? Has the gentle, caring side taken over? Have I become more patient and accepting? I can't answer this just yet. Maybe it is just a season in my life. And as seasons change, I change.

Posted by Jeannette (from Joyce's computer)
Written by Joyce
3 chimed in

Name: Jeannette
Location: Southern California, USA

This is my story about being diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39. I thought I was out of the woods, but four years late it came back. This is my quest to be a two-time survivor.

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